THE BEGINNING

—Why do I have a defect on my teeth? I asked the pretty dentist as she examined my tooth cavities.
—I would be glad to talk about it over a cup of espresso. She said.
I looked for a wedding band on her fingers, I could find none, but I was wearing mine. This was yet another example of many happenings in which good looking women showed an unusual interest in someone with a dogface like mine. I didn’t have any explanation for this phenomenon, this was a strange good luck rash that I could not understand; it was something like a fantasy in B movies. But when there were no women I would see gun carrying guys —young and old— some where obviously nervous and other acted like obnoxious Dirty Harry’s. It was a great pastime of mine to detect their guns in their ankles holsters, shoulder holsters, small of their backs, or near their balls. I could tell who the pros where, I didn’t see many of those. I would always have my 45 on my right side. This is how my story begins, with episodes to good to be true, surreal clips that would adhere to my circumstances like windshield tow—away stickers. No, that’s not true, that’s not how it starts —now that I remember — it is something like this: everything began with a religious experience, not inside a church or a temple, but in the comfort of my bed, the bed of a 6 year old Mexican boy. I was talking to God face to face; Jesus seemed cooler than the bible stories at Sunday school. I liked the fact that God sported a beard, wore sandals and knew how to use a hammer. He did not look like a faggot. We walked on the most beautiful fields, it was the prettiest country I have ever seen —perhaps the kingdom of God has no match— I didn’t feel uncomfortable holding His hand as we walked. After all, this would give me bragging rights. Jesus Christ placed me under a tree and told me to wait for Him there. All of the sudden there were many persons around. It seemed to me that we were all left there to wait for Christ. I tried to run to see if I could see him over the hillside, it was in vain. He was gone. This has been my biggest bittersweet dream. This is how this story begins.