LA HUESUDA


—Do you have any weapons of mass destructions? Asked the United States Customs agent.
—Yes.
—Really?
—Aha.
—Where are they?
—Is my pen. The pen was pinned to my blue shirt.
—Your pen is a secret weapon?
—Yeah.
—Why?
—Because it can write names in secret.
—You can go trough. He said as he scratched his nose with his index finger making an obvious reference to the number 1 symbol.
It was something like that, but I think we need to rewind some years back to my second God encounter. I was about 8 years old and this time God came to me in a form of a Mexican bus. It ran over me, it didn’t hurt, but there was sensation of heat on my right leg. It didn’t burn, but it was hot. Perhaps it was the soft tissue being grind between the rear tires and the thin black pavement. My mother once told me that while reading the bible God told her that, the text were God kills Pharaoh’s son, was meant for her. Somehow she saw my father as an evil Pharaoh and that placed me, their firstborn, in a precarious position, so my dad had to change his ways to avert disaster. My father did not change anything. And the angel of God —his death angel— came in a form of a rundown city bus (pero me peló la verga) he didn’t take me out, but it did let me immobilized in a pool of blood. As far as I know I won because I was alive. That was my first stint with that motherfucker, the angel of death, or “la huesuda” like we call it in Mexico. The bus driver, Dracula was his nickname, tried to get away, but the mob got a hold of him. I have never liked vampires ever since. The God of the gentiles is more kind, so I prayed to Him during my 3 month hospitalization. He sent me beautiful nurses that would watch over me and inject pain killers into my IV, then they would sit next to my bed and read books, they wore their white sexy hats and their top shirt buttons were undone, so I could see the profile of their breasts resting on the inside of their unbuttoned uniforms; those were the 70’s. I think this has influenced my desire for my next wife to be either a nurse or a doctor.